Missing Africa

So lately I have been going back and forth, praying, and wrestling over the idea of going back to Kenya with our church next summer. I know it seems like a long way away, but when you have to save for the hefty price tag and work around things like "would I be willing to go without Justin" and the plans of wanting to start a family in the spring... it makes the decision making come sooner.

I physically ache sometimes when I think about how much I miss those people. That was one of the most life changing experiences that I think I will ever be a part of... so I want to go back! I want to see Ruth. I want to hold her little hand again and walk with her through the slums that she calls home.

I want to root her on at her soccer game on Saturday. I want to see Jackie and congratulate her on her wedding.... the one she was just engaged for when we left. I want to sit with Velma on her blanket, hold her baby Naomi...

and watch while she shows me with pride the necklaces and bracelets that she made. I want to wear one of the necklaces that she gave me as a gift before I left, just so she knows that I thought about her often.

I want to meet Anthony, and tell him how thankful I am that I am now his sponsor, and how no matter how long he lives in the Gichagi slum, that I will support him and visit him as much as I can. 

I want to just be there. As I write this tonight, I am almost confirming what I feel will happen.... me leaving on a jet plane. :) I just long to be there. I long to see the people in all these pictures below... because I KNOW them. I remember their names. I remember what it felt like to see them and hug them. What it felt like to hurt for them and wish I could just uproot them and take them with me to a better place with opportunity. But they don't want that. They just wanted to meet us, to show us their home, and to call us their friend.

Years ago the Lord started working in my heart a love and desire to minister and love on African children. And I understand that there are needs in our city as well. Ones that are closer to home that I can do everyday and still be serving God and helping others. But once you have traveled to remote villages across the world and have seen poverty and helplessness like we did, you want to help there, too. 

The hearts of these people are amazing. So often their lives are described as "abject" poverty, but abject means "hopeless." These people are not without hope. They have been introduced to the Savior thanks to His work with Vapor Ministries. And that is all they have. They are so happy and alive and want to tell you everything that He has done for them. Little by little they are being sponsored, sent to school, clothed, fed, and introduced to coaches that  lead them in soccer games on Saturdays, and disciple them along the way. 

I could go on and on. My heart is just bursting right now thinking of them.. and my eyes filling with tears. These past few days have been hard as I have gave this more thought. And I know that sounds crazy, but it feels like missing a loved one. I miss them. I am struggling with the decision to go again, as it is a huge one. Only one of us can afford to go. Is it selfish to put off my own family for the chance to see Hasmin, Freddie, Howard, Peter, Shadrach, and Mama Kijiji again? I don't know. The Lord says to go... to make disciples... to be His hands and feet, and this is where I feel like the Lord has given me the desire to do so. But as I said, I am still unsure. So I am praying through it... hoping you'll join me in doing the same. :)